Small Town Grievances 22: Purge your heart of the Christian Dirtbike League
Small Town Grievances 22: Purge your heart of the Christian Dirtbike League
The Christian Dirtbike League cancelled its Big Jumps for St Christopher jubilee because the wind generated by the junkyard made the whole town smell like a cat food festival. Mayor added the league to the town’s codex of disappointing organisations, which anyone is allowed to access at town hall library if they can convince the attending librarian that they paid their taxes last year.
Henry F. has announced that he will be opening up his collection of extremely dangerous weapons for townspeople of all ages to come and enjoy. These exhibitions are always ranked “N/A” by the big school’s educational value matrix, but Henry F. is undeterred. Donations will go towards funding the ongoing legal trouble from his last display, in which somebody “managed to get onto the computer that stops everybody’s hearts”.
Some of the devout folks in town are trying to get council to shut down the little school after the board decided to stop teaching from a pre-war science textbook that labels most bodily byproducts as “god’s holy slimes” which children must never destroy unless they want to get put on Satan’s dessert menu.
Lorraine F. took up valuable time at town meeting to state once again that we’re all missing the opportunity to make a fortune housing the state’s violent prisoners in private basements and backyard holes. Big uproar. “If you’re happy to just sit there, unpaid, while you have a perfectly good hole going completely to waste,” Lorraine F. yelled over the hubbub, “then you’re already in more trouble than could ever be afforded to you by any murderer or crazed slasher — most of who, I’ll remind you, get the violence parts of their brain sizzled out with a police raygun the second they’re in cuffs.” Much booing from the gathered crowd, though there was some vocal support from the backyard hole types, who seem to grow more numerous each time the issue is raised.
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More of this mess at jackvening.net